03 Sep 7 phrases to avoid during your child’s tantrum
Managing your child’s tantrum is complicated, but some phrases can hurt him and cause problems later. Find out what words to avoid while you’re trying to calm him down.
Tantrums are common during early childhood, especially between ages 2 and 4. Most children of this age have these kinds of exaggerated emotional reactions to the sight of adults. Parents are amazed at the anger, crying, and resistance of their children when they receive a refusal or when they are forced to do something they don’t want to do. Although these situations are difficult to handle, there are certain phrases that you should avoid during tantrums.
It is understandable that sometimes you feel overwhelmed, that you do not know how to respond or how to redirect your child. However, you have to keep in mind that a tantrum does not seek to annoy or make you uncomfortable, but rather it is a natural reaction of a child who claims autonomy from her.
As parents, our task is to understand these emotional overflows and accompany them, to teach the little ones to channel what they feel in healthier ways. In this regard, there are certain phrases that you should avoid during tantrums.
The phrases you should avoid during tantrums
In summary, let us remember that from the age of 2, children begin to perceive themselves as individual beings. They understand that they have their own opinions, wants, and needs and seek to assert them. This is why they say “no” to any proposal from adults, they resist and firmly express their desires.
Although we understand that this is natural, that it is part of this evolutionary stage of development, parents have to set limits. Accompanying a tantrum does not mean giving in to the child’s whims, but it does mean validating what she feels and giving her space to express it.
Shut Up Already! Stop Crying!
It is the phrase that most often comes to mind and mouth when the crying of a child saturates us when we do not understand it or it goes on too long. We just want him to shut up because it’s annoying, because we’re stressed about not knowing how to make him feel better, and maybe because other people are looking at us.
However, this phrase does not give results. How would you feel if your partner or your friend told you to shut up and stop crying during a difficult moment for you? Sure you would feel invalidated and hurt. That’s what children feel too.
During a tantrum, they need to express themselves, cry or yell, and know that the adult is there to understand and accompany their feeling. It is not there to suppress it.
You’re Embarrassing Me
It is very understandable that we feel embarrassed when child’s tantrum throws in public. Prying and accusing glances are never lacking. However, it is important to put aside the opinion of the people and focus on what the child needs.
By telling him that he is making a fool of himself or that he is embarrassing us, we can make him feel very bad. His emotional reaction to him is not deliberate (he simply does not know how to regulate himself better).
Hearing this you may feel humiliated. Perhaps he even understands that showing emotion is shameful and penalized. You may tend to repress yourself in the future.
No Big Deals
How many times have you thought this when you see your child crying desperately because they have to leave the park or because they can’t take a toy to school? From an adult perspective, the situations faced by the child seem insignificant, but it must be understood that they are important to them to the extent that they arouse their emotions from her.
By telling your son that what is happening to him is “not a big deal”, you are again invalidating his feelings. What he requires is to feel understood, that you help him understand why he feels that way, put a name to his emotions, and manage them. If you downplay them, you lose a valuable opportunity to educate yourself in emotional intelligence.
If You Keep Crying, You Will Have A Punishment
Threats and punishments arise very frequently, especially as a result of the desperation of fathers and mothers. Adopting this attitude can have a short-term effect (the child, for fear of the consequences, stops crying). However, it does not teach anything crucial.
The child is not learning to regulate his emotions; just hides them and obeys them. This will bring you problems in the future and, in addition, will deteriorate the bond between parents and children.
I Don’t Love You When You Behave This Badly
Children need the attention, approval, and love of their role models. Because of this, they are able to modify their behavior if that affection is threatened.
However, by saying this phrase to your son, you make him understand that your love is conditional, that you do not love him for who he is, but for what he does. This creates the idea that it is necessary to please others in order for them to appreciate us. It is a pattern that can cause you much suffering in your adult life.
You Are No Longer A Baby To Behave Like This
This is one of the main phrases that you should avoid during tantrums, mainly because it makes no sense. When children grow up, we sometimes make the mistake of thinking that they are miniature adults. Thus, we attribute to their capacities that they do not yet have and we expect reactions from them that they cannot give us.
Indeed, your 4-year-old son is no longer a baby, he already knows how to speak, and cry is not his only means of communication. However, he still does not have the knowledge, cognitive maturity, and emotional tools to manage certain situations.
Don’t make him feel guilty or ridiculous for something he can’t control. Better, teach him and guide him so that he can handle himself differently from now on.
If You Calm Down, I’ll Give You What You Ask For
Giving in to the whims of children is the resource that many parents resort to when they no longer know what else to do. As long as the child shuts up, stops crying, or stops suffering, they remove the limit that they themselves had set and fulfill the child’s wish. Sometimes they even promise you some kind of reward or treat if you stop crying.
Avoid these phrases in tantrums to improve the bond with your child
Ultimately, managing a child’s tantrum is a complicated matter that requires patience, understanding, and dedication. However, they are excellent opportunities to teach important values and tools and to strengthen the bond with children, offering them respect, listening, and love.
You may like to read TAKE CARE OF YOUR BABY’S MENTAL HEALTH